Step 4a Resentment
Write a prayer at the top of the page: "God please enable me to see truth"
I must fearlessly analyze my 3 basic survival instincts; ‘Social, Security and Sex.’ Because whenever they are 'hurt or threatened' I feel them as resentments, fears and guilt or remorse. First I look at, “...resentment, it’s infinitely grave ...it is fatal. For when harbouring such feelings ...The insanity of alcohol/drugs returns and I drink/use again.” (Pg.66,¶1,L3-5).
- a) Am I, “convinced that Self, manifested in various ways, is what defeats me?”
b) Will I honestly, “consider its common manifestations?” (Pg.64,¶2,L18).
- Do I know, “why I’m angry. In most cases it’s found that my self-esteem, my pocketbooks, my ambitions, or personal relationships, (including sex), are hurt or threatened” (Pg.64-5,¶3-Top).
- From top down, in columns, I list names of "people, institutions or principles with whom I'm angry" (Pg.64,¶3,L27). Like Pg65, opposite each name I list the cause and my injury, then I add a 4th column to analyze the (Fear) underlying each resentment, because it will reveal how and why; *Self-Reliance Fails me.
| I'm resentful at |
The Cause |
Affects my |
Perceived (Fear) *S.R.F. |
| Mr. Brown |
His attention to my wife.
Told my wife of my mistress.
Brown may get my job at the office. |
Sex Relations, Self-esteem (Fear)Sex relations. Self-esteem (Fear)Security. Self-esteem (Fear) |
I’m not good enough |
| Mrs. Jones |
… Committed her husband for drinking. He’s my friend … |
Personal Relationsip, Self-esteem (Fear) |
I’m unwelcome, I’m not respected |
| My employer |
… Overbearing, Threatens to fire me for drinking … |
Self-esteem, (Fear)Security |
I’m not trusted I’m not worthy I’m dispensable |
| My wife |
Misunderstands and nags. Likes Brown. Wants house put in her name. |
Pride, Personal sex relations, Security (Fear) |
I’m unloved, I’m a bad provider, I’ll be broke & alone |
- Am I, “prepared to look at it from an entirely different angle?” (Pg.66,¶3,L23).
To change my perspective I read my columns from right to left, and learn how ‘Self-Reliance,’ (Fear), fails to solve my problems, it only fuels 2nd column anger. The person, institution or principle doesn't matter, they're just targets.
- a) Am I always, “concerned with myself, my resentments, or my self-pity?” (Pg.62,¶1,L4). b) Will I admit that’s how I react when my ego is threatened, “...it’s the root of my troubles?” (Pg.62,¶1,L6).
- Since I can't drink/use safely, will I substitute my 3rd step decision and ask God to “Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will?” (Pg.63,¶2,L15).
- Will I thoroughly search my survival techniques for instinctual fears and honestly admit them? "Inventory is a fact-finding and a fact-facing process" (Pg.64,¶1,L9),
- Self-Seeking; resentments mask my ulterior motives. a) What am I after? b) Do I use people to get things? I begin my sentence with; ‘My selfish attitude was ...?’
- Selfish; resentments are often delusional. a) What did I want to get? a) What did I lose? b) What was I hiding? I begin my sentence with; ‘My selfish actions were ...?’
- Dishonest; above all I must be honest with myself, a) What lies justify my thinking? b) Do I rationalize my actions. I begin my sentence with; ‘I was in the delusion that ...?’
Afraid; fear drives my selfishness, then I lie to rationalize my actions, leaving me in emotional pain. I begin my sentence with; ‘Why am I afraid of ...?’
- Can I learn to alter my perspective to see my grudges from the offender’s point of view? “This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick... like ourselves” (Pg.66,¶4,L30).
- Will I relate to the self inflicted shame of others and forgive them, as I've been forgiven? “This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.” (Pg.66,¶4,L4).
What do I have to lose by using this example of ‘Affirmative Prayer?’ to free myself from deep seated resentments that still overpower me;
“If you have resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free. Even when you don’t really want it for them and your prayers are only words and you don’t mean it, go ahead and do it anyway. Do it everyday for two weeks, and you will find you have come to mean it and to want it for them, and you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred, you now feel compassionate, understanding and love.” (Pg.552,¶1).
Step 4a Resentment